Friday, March 07, 2008

The Scandal of Loneliness

I had an eye-opening conversation recently, with a fellow Christian from a different social background. He spoke of his extreme loneliness living on his own in a council flat. I can identify with that - when I lived on my own, I'd have gone mad without an intensely social job, a church with a strong social life and friends I could chat to online. And of those three, only one was open to this man.

He spoke of his time trying to persuade people to let him stay in sheltered housing for the mentally disabled, because he wanted the company. But they wouldn't let him, because he was too clever. The government's assumption is that people are best off living on their own if they can, because that's society's assumption. But it's wrong.

The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."
Genesis 2:18, NIV

We have such a fractured individualised society. And yet so many people, on leaving university, find that the best way to live is with housemates, in order to stay sane as well as in order to be able to afford to live.

We are not meant to be alone. Why is it that in contemporary TV, there are so few stable characters who live on their own? And yet why is it that in reality, so many people do? Why is it that the biggest internet industries - pornography and gambling - are essentially solitary pursuits? When are alcoholics most likely to relapse? When are people most likely to get depressed?

We are in a society which is gradually ripping itself apart, and one of the key factors in its self-destruction is loneliness.

6 comments:

madeline bassett said...

I think this is such a lovely thought. Thank you for sharing it. Don't you think being lonely in a flat on your own and going to church for company and talking to people online is God's way of tell you that you're not very attractive?

Otepoti said...

"Rick Warren says that every [...]group has at least one person who requires extra grace. And if you look round the table and cannot find the extra-grace-required person, it's you."

John Ortberg, When the Game is Over It All Goes Back in the Box

Read, learn, and inwardly digest, Madeline.

Meanwhile, if I were to suggest a top-down solution for inner-city loneliness, it would be the re-introduction and encouraging of allotment gardening.

bcg said...

Hear, hear, otepoti!
The power of gardening is much underestimated these days.

Daniel Hill said...

`He spoke of his time trying to persuade people to let him stay in sheltered housing for the mentally disabled, because he wanted the company. But they wouldn't let him, because he was too clever. The government's assumption is that people are best off living on their own if they can'.

If the government were to read the quotation from Mark Twain in your previous post, Custard, then we'd all be living in sheltered housing, and the problem wouldn't arise.

Anonymous said...

It doesn't help that with the commercialisation of Sundays, people no longer have such an easy day to organise social activities like sports clubs etc, and people generally do less communal stuff.

On another note, one group who are particularly vulnerable to depression when living on their own, are recently divorced people. Not only are they living on their own and not only are they feeling down from splitting up, but they're likely not to see some of their previous social group (so much) anymore.

theMuddledMarketPlace said...

oh...my favourite subject, excuse a short rant please?

For people living on housing benefit, the luxury of sharing is complicated beyond measure.

For anyone who has ever touched the edges of 'help' with their mental health, the goal of independant living is elevated to something akin to the holy grail. And it so isn't.

For the many people living without internet access....it's another world.

For those of us blessed with enough money to choose it's sometimes tough to really know the depth of this alienation.

( closes door quietly...)